My Mother Gave Birth to an 80's Lady
It's the summer of '91. A women with Elton John glasses, shoulder pads for the GODS, and a pregnant belly that's about to pop is staring at her front door. Why is she staring at her front door? She is thinking "Why the hell did i decide to wear a pant suit while I'm NINE MONTHS PREGNANT!"
She is wondering if she should just go inside and put on a dress, but out of the corner of her eye she can see her husband and know what he is thinking.
In that same instant, a man that stands 5'6 with a full beard, Daisy Dukes, and knee high socks had just finished leaving the house. Now, when I say leave the house, i must also describe what could be called a sort of 'ritual' if you will.
-All doors that lead into the house must be locked and checked at least twice.
-The air conditioner must be turned off.
-All lights must be turned off.
-The stove and oven must obviously be checked.
-He must be the last to leave the house in order to secure that the work he had just done was left as is.
Depending on if he deemed the house safe decided the duration of the process. Once he could be certain that the house was completely vacant, they could leave. With sweat dripping down the nape of her neck, she made her way back into the fortress.
If you haven't figure it out just yet, allow me to spell it out. The 6'lb life sucker that was causing this 29 year old women such distress was lil baby me. The pairing of these two created a perfectly blended mix of their quirks and oddities. If you think this explains my eccentricities, fashion sense, slight OCD, anxiety and many other personality traits, you are correct. One can often find me with short shorts, rolled up even shorter, a self made crop top, sun glasses much too large for my face all tied together with a pair of birkenstocks.
To see proof feel free to follow me on my personal instagram @gabriel_333.